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About Varied / Hobbyist Cesar Mesa24/Male/United States Recent Activity
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Lost in Thought and Woods by cm911 Lost in Thought and Woods :iconcm911:cm911 0 0 Obstacles are temporary  by cm911 Obstacles are temporary :iconcm911:cm911 0 0
Literature
breakup poems v1
Why do I tether myself to people that always leave me when I need them the most?
Maybe it's just me.
The two beasts inside my head rage war and leave me ravaged.
Anxiety. Depression.
I want to end this session,
Of the bombarding mania.
Here's an idea.
Maybe I should find love. Yet, the strangeness that is myself, forbids such sweet wealth.
The nights wide awake.
My eyes start to fade into a solid state. The soul of my own left without fate.
Endless terrors all around.
Worst of all. What crawls inside the walls, whispers to me that dead men tell better tales.
Do things end well? Or in hell?
:iconcm911:cm911
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Stay Off Dam  by cm911 Stay Off Dam :iconcm911:cm911 1 0 Jone's Springs at the Pedernales Falls State Park by cm911 Jone's Springs at the Pedernales Falls State Park :iconcm911:cm911 0 0
Literature
Her Strength
 From
this past month and several days do I realize what it truly means to
be torn at heart. Everyone goes through the time of separation and
rejection with many many different results. Some men kill themselves,
some women just distance themselves from everyone they know and left
recluse, and some do the opposite. Everyone that has gone and passed
those times know that it certainly is a very difficult time in life
that leaves you with a void that can not be filled. However, the pain
is nothing compared to what it's like when you have a child that
apart of that part of your life. Losing the one I loved was surely
painful, but my errors and blinded actions left me something far
greater of a consequence that I could imagine.
 
  To
start I will begin with the connection between my child from the time
I finally met him when he was born, to date was one of the strongest
and most powerful moments in my life and forever will be. Seeing the
life breathe his first breathes,
:iconcm911:cm911
:iconcm911:cm911 0 0
Mature content
Above his head :iconcm911:cm911 0 0
Mature content
Jack and Jill and Old Man Bill :iconcm911:cm911 0 0
Pedernales Falls Park over cliff view by cm911 Pedernales Falls Park over cliff view :iconcm911:cm911 1 0
Literature
How I feel tonight and the rest
I'm unable to feel my throbbing head anymore.
The sadness is wrenching me ever so further deep into depression.
I can't reach out the way I came from because that's where my source of misery lies.
Somehow making choices to benefit my heart end up jabbing me with a pitch fork,
and every jab I feel myself not caring anymore. THIS; sacrifice was more than I bargained for and from my own shadows I know its my own fault. My torment isn't losing, but having what
I think I have. THAT; one time I feel I'm free from the terror; It only crawls right back into where it feels it wants to stay for the rest of its life... in my conscience. Unseen by everyone since I'm so kind on the outside,but on the inside, the image I see is something worse than a maggot's feast. I think I am dead inside, but my slim glimmer of hope is that I'm alive to feel the changes and with every change I push closer to understanding that life is not to reach and grab hold, but to reach only to get closer since the reality i
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:iconcm911:cm911 0 1
Fire Wolf tattoo by cm911 Fire Wolf tattoo :iconcm911:cm911 0 3
Literature
I Have Been Denied
      For a Time that no light is penetrating through my pupils is the time of my entire life span. Each eerie second in the unknown darkness makes it dangerous in the world to stay.
  
How envious I am for those who behold the wonders of colours, for they take absolutely no glory in the waves of light.
  
When I breathe the fluid of mixed elements, they tell me there are senses that warn me of the supposed objects that harm shall come. Having every other sense acute makes me feel empowered beyond the extent of my handicap.
Why Do I have such curiosity of the world I will never see? Why am I plagued of embarrassment when I stumble across the hidden obstacles in plain sight?
I will never know the beauty & sanctity  to this heaven that's in-front of me. All the familiar hell of dark space is the only thing I will find image, but when my eyes open when I die...
      
The peace will show the truth th
:iconcm911:cm911
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Harp of Death by cm911 Harp of Death :iconcm911:cm911 1 0 Volcano or... by cm911 Volcano or... :iconcm911:cm911 0 1 Waterhole at the Falls by cm911 Waterhole at the Falls :iconcm911:cm911 0 0 SUNset by cm911 SUNset :iconcm911:cm911 2 0

Favourites

inscius by AnnabelleKrueger inscius :iconannabellekrueger:AnnabelleKrueger 4 0 1494374275512 by Polkadotarmadillo 1494374275512 :iconpolkadotarmadillo:Polkadotarmadillo 4 0 GNU Terry Pratchett 2017 by TrollGirl GNU Terry Pratchett 2017 :icontrollgirl:TrollGirl 91 15 Ksenia II by rainris Ksenia II :iconrainris:rainris 102 4 Weirdmageddon Wendy 14 by WeaponDancer Weirdmageddon Wendy 14 :iconweapondancer:WeaponDancer 4 1 Killer Instinct - Shadow Jago by Naitho Killer Instinct - Shadow Jago :iconnaitho:Naitho 122 17 Old Story Crow by Onislogo Old Story Crow :icononislogo:Onislogo 64 25 Effy by ValentinaKallias Effy :iconvalentinakallias:ValentinaKallias 130 0 EXPEDITION LOG: DAY#1 by pascalblanche EXPEDITION LOG: DAY#1 :iconpascalblanche:pascalblanche 432 18 castle in the hills by shewolfskye castle in the hills :iconshewolfskye:shewolfskye 23 9 BOBBA FETT by JaggysnakeArt BOBBA FETT :iconjaggysnakeart:JaggysnakeArt 2 0 Oracle Black by pascalblanche Oracle Black :iconpascalblanche:pascalblanche 667 16 -- Doof Warrior -- by yvanquinet -- Doof Warrior -- :iconyvanquinet:yvanquinet 460 18 Vivi BunnyCore by ViviBunnyCore Vivi BunnyCore :iconvivibunnycore:ViviBunnyCore 42 12 Alces, Salix and Nymphaeaceae by LuxDani Alces, Salix and Nymphaeaceae :iconluxdani:LuxDani 54 7

Activity


I always come to DeviantArt when I'm Uber depressed :p
Obstacles are temporary
My friend Hayley shot this with her phone. We were in an obstacle park called Power Park. The lighting was awesome and I've been Working out so, why not and show off my progress?
Loading...
Why do I tether myself to people that always leave me when I need them the most?

Maybe it's just me.

The two beasts inside my head rage war and leave me ravaged.

Anxiety. Depression.

I want to end this session,
Of the bombarding mania.

Here's an idea.

Maybe I should find love. Yet, the strangeness that is myself, forbids such sweet wealth.

The nights wide awake.

My eyes start to fade into a solid state. The soul of my own left without fate.

Endless terrors all around.

Worst of all. What crawls inside the walls, whispers to me that dead men tell better tales.

Do things end well? Or in hell?
breakup poems v1
I've had several breakups recently and I just wanted to post the poems I've typed in my phone. I put them out so the thoughts don't echo in my head anymore.
Loading...
Why do I tether myself to people that always

Why do I tether myself to people that always leave me when I need them the most?

Maybe it's just me.

The two beasts inside my head rage war and leave me ravaged.

Anxiety. Depression.

I want to end this session,
Of the bombarding mania.

Here's an idea.

Maybe I should find love. Yet, the strangeness that is myself, forbids such sweet wealth.

The nights wide awake.

My eyes start to fade into a solid state. The soul of my own left without fate.

Endless terrors all around.

Worst of all. What crawls inside the walls, whispers to me that dead men tell better tales.

Do things end well? Or in hell?
    From this past month and several days do I realize what it truly means to be torn at heart. Everyone goes through the time of separation and rejection with many many different results. Some men kill themselves, some women just distance themselves from everyone they know and left recluse, and some do the opposite. Everyone that has gone and passed those times know that it certainly is a very difficult time in life that leaves you with a void that can not be filled. However, the pain is nothing compared to what it's like when you have a child that apart of that part of your life. Losing the one I loved was surely painful, but my errors and blinded actions left me something far greater of a consequence that I could imagine.

    To start I will begin with the connection between my child from the time I finally met him when he was born, to date was one of the strongest and most powerful moments in my life and forever will be. Seeing the life breathe his first breathes, holding his hands that were dwarfed by my own, left me with a peace that I could not find if I tried my whole life. As time went on after that, I considerably understand the amount of patience and responsibility you will have to have to have a child. The very late nights, the endless precautions of keeping him healthy, the love you must always give to a child. Truly, those experiences are not hard whatsoever, because you feel no burden from them. The whole time is purely happiness seeing that what you do is what needs to be done and that no matter what they grow up to know love and happiness. Nothing has ever brought me so close to another human being, nothing has ever made me happier. Life for the time, was phenomenal and a blessing. Any parents will tell you the exact same thing for every child they have ever raised. 

    Time went on, with the usual struggles and stresses of life that are undeniably unavoidable. Accidents, lost of job, growing tired, and in my case, becoming a wretched person. Grief, stupidity, revenge, and countless other atrocities  had led me astray from those I loved, from the most important people in life. I had committed things that many have done before, but each the same, just too horrible of sins to seem to have forgiven. Lost in my transformation of a beast, I lost sight of the importance of why I was putting up with such things, of why I worked tremendously, and of why I didn't give up all together. I loved my son like no other, but my sins in the end had finally caught up with my actions which stripped me a full time of life with him and now I suffer with an unrelenting force of sadness, and depression that no matter how hard I try, the pain is always the same. Things are much better for me, certainly more than how others go through this, but I had no idea the lost of control of tears from the memories you have of them. Your heart aching every time you realize the nightmare is not gone when you wake up. This is with me being able to see him every so often, and talking him almost everyday. Though all parents know that there is no time amount in the world you would rather spend than to be with them. Again, I say I am too lucky to be able to have a great friend as I do than to have them be so fair to me with my child. Though the happiest part of my day soon becomes my saddest part as I realize that I do have to leave his side eventually. I wish I could be strong enough not to cry after my goodbye. The strength I've worked all week to keep me standing, crumbles into dust with no remorse as I spend the next several hours in a stupor praying that the pain subsides. I ask God of why its allowed to feel this way? I degrade myself for how unbelievably thick I was. That I get what I deserve, and should see it no other way. Why do I put myself through this? 

    All my friends and family who are by my side crutch me through as I plead for their help. But what I'm ashamed to say is that, above all else, my faith suffers as it had been for many years. I realize the times how eager I am to skip over the christian posts I see. The humiliation I feel when I say I am still strong in my faith when in reality I fell down a steep slope. I wondered what part of the bible can explain this very pain to me and how I could at the very least overcome it.....

    There it was the entire time, apart of the core belief that is Catholicism. Jesus Christ died for our sins, but his mother Mary had to suffer beyond an imaginable pain to see this happen to him. From what I feel to what I can imagine she felt as he took his torture , leaves me thinking that I am nowhere near as pained as she was. Being the greatest mother of history, she stood strong as the mountains themselves. Mary had faith without doubt which gave her the strength to endure what seemed impossible. As I know and firmly believe, Jesus had risen, and had saved us from disaster. Her faith had been strong, and she was rewarded with courage and hope. Now here, in the twenty first century I find myself as a little boy crying for a scratch on his elbow. If I had an ounce of Mary's strength and faith, I would find my pain completely gone. Though I still say I learned that I should be solid in my faith, I know I have much to atone and much to be forgiven for before I could truly call myself a Christian again. 

    Now the only thing left is for me to change is to find the path I was set on to do whatever in this life I was suppose to do. Mary, I hope the angels you send me can lift me off my dragging feet to a better tomorrow with my son being there awaiting me. Thank you. My God, I will be the best that I can be so that I do not fail my goal for my son, and as well for myself. 
  • Listening to: eating
  • Reading: the screen
  • Watching: the screen
  • Playing: the screen
  • Eating: boogers
  • Drinking: the screen

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cm911's Profile Picture
cm911
Cesar Mesa
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
My names Cesar and My Photos or drawings will either have something to do with Shadows,Music, Nature or whats generally interesting.. Hope You like what you see. My literature is pretty amateur but I'm practicing(sorta).

Current Residence: Austin Texas
Favourite genre of music: Hard Rock, Metal, Blues
Favourite photographer: Edward Steichen
Favourite style of art: Pencil Drawing, Graffiti
Operating System: Windows Vista

Personal Quote: " The best thing to do is to not let yourself set what you amount to but to be boundless"
Interests

Comments


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:iconjonuriah:
JonUriah Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2015  Professional Photographer
Thank you so much for taking the time to follow my work here on deviantART! If you still have time, please also consider following my work on social media! :)

www.Facebook.com/UriahGallery
Reply
:iconankredible:
Ankredible Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2015  Professional
       :iconyoyorunleftplz: THANKS FOR THE +WATCH :iconyoyorunrightplz:
:iconmonkeyloveplz::iconyoyodance3plz: YOU ARE AWESOME :iconyoyodance3plz::iconmonkeyloveplz:
Reply
:iconcm911:
cm911 Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Woah super monkeys!! lol you're welcome!
Reply
:iconcrystallized-skies:
crystallized-skies Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
The watch is greatly appreciated. thank you so much. (:
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:iconcm911:
cm911 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh its all cool! I love your writing!
Reply
:iconcrystallized-skies:
crystallized-skies Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
aww thank you! :heart: 
Reply
:iconkebicohen:
KebiCohen Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2012
thank you for the watch
Reply
:iconfrankandcarystock:
FrankAndCarySTOCK Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2012
Thanks for the Fav!!:).
Reply
:iconbrawrloxoss:
Brawrloxoss Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2011
Howdy! Thanks for watching and faving! I hope you like Curse and I'd love to hear what you think.
Reply
:iconcm911:
cm911 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey Caveman, If you haven't noticed already who this is, than it's Cesar from Work. Right now I'm reading it, but I'm also packed for finals studying right now. I will tell you what I think when I get a chance to finish. I'm not a critique but I've read enough to know a good reading in this genre.
Reply
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